I can’t believe I’ve had this blog for over a year! Let’s chat about then vs. now.

There were a lot of reasons I finally decided to take the plunge and publish that first post January of 2016, but in all honesty, I had no idea what this blog was going to become over time. My only thoughts were I like to write, I like to share my opinions, and I liked participating in bigger conversations. And this has definitely been the perfect outlet for me to do all three of those things. I’ve written posts about my favorite pop culture topics, commentary on social discourse, given dubious advice, and shared genuine reflections on my life as a young adult. In trying to brainstorm some new ideas for a blog post – considering it’s been well over two months since my last post, yay for consistency! – I figured it might be worth it to take a step back and reevaluate my purpose for this platform. Am I still posting for the same reasons? If not, what are my new motivations and challenges? Is anyone really reading this stuff? Will I ever write that post about why Ben & Leslie are the greatest TV couple to ever exist in the history of network television?

I have a strong feeling that the last one is a solid yes.

One of my biggest hesitations to start my blog was the fact that I never wanted to restrict myself to a schedule. Writing posts was (and still is) the most enjoyable for me when the inspiration was fresh and I felt passionate enough to share my thoughts. Unfortunately, I don’t have very much control over when these moments of inspiration happen – as I’m sure most writers can attest to, harnessing this motivation and discipline to write is one of the most difficult parts of putting words on paper. And while I was able to maintain a semi-regular schedule of posts for a while, these last few months had me getting a little worried. Was it worth it to write something half-assed for the sake of adding content? Or should I wait even longer for the new idea to strike, even if it meant my blog would remain silent for a number of months? I couldn’t really decide, but I always leaned toward the latter. That’s just how I tended to operate. Either I was passionate about doing something or I had very little interest to do it at all.

If you look back to the last post that was published on my blog, you will see another aspect of why I’ve been silent on this platform. The frustrations of the world around me have taken a pretty big toll on my mental health, and over the past few months, I’ve been dealing with a nasty bout of depression. This doesn’t quite mean I’ve been having trouble getting out of bed or that I hate the world around me; mental illness is a lot more complex than that. With everything that has been going on with society as a whole, plus my own personal obstacles I was working through, I found very little interest in a lot of stuff that I would often rely on for support. Any time I had the tiniest speck of an idea for a blog post, the drive to run to my computer and open a new document quickly dissolved, leaving me with tons of unfinished ideas and half-hearted brainstorm sessions.

And while it might have been that nobody gave a shit that I hadn’t posted anything in a while, I gave a shit. And I still do.

So maybe my blog will continue to be a place for me to share stories and ideas with you all, and maybe I won’t post as frequently as I’d like. Or maybe this post will spark a resurgence in my passion for blogging and I’ll pump out a bunch of different posts in the next few weeks. I’ve decided that I’m up for any outcome. Like all of my social media platforms, I like to think of this blog as a more polished representation of me; these posts are the thoughts and ideas and feelings and other things I want to share but may not be able to put into words face-to-face. Instead, I take the time to type them out and organize them and put in some silly jokes or fancy words to get my point across. But that’s also the nature of who I am – I’m a planner, I’m a thinker, and sometimes, I can be a bit of an overachiever. And for now, that seems to be working out just fine, so I think I’ll keep it up. Until it’s time for a nap.

Is There Anybody Out There?

Everyone’s got their favorites. Favorite books, favorite albums, favorite films. I’ll be the first to admit that I have a terrible time picking favorites, but sometimes they just hit you and you just know. At some point in our lives, we have read, listened to, and watched them for the very first time. We let their artistry infiltrate us, let their messages connect to us, and we immediately appreciated them for the way they were going to influence us moving forward.

Now, every time we read, listen to, and watch these favorites, we are reminded of that first read, that first listen, that first watch. The initial force that somehow managed to surpass all other forces finds its way into the deepest and most personal parts of who you are. And once they’re there, you know they’re there to stay.

But sometimes, sometimes, we re-read, we re-listen, or we re-watch, and we are flooded with an even more overwhelming force. It’s as if you actually are experiencing it all for the first time again. But instead of being unfamiliar and waiting for the sureness to flow through you, you crave it. Somehow, you find yourself in a position to fall in love all over again, and somehow, it’s even better than the first time.

This happens when we least expect it – which is a good thing. If we could pick and choose the moments for us to re-fall in love, they wouldn’t be as special or cherished. It is their spontaneity and unexpectedness that drives your somehow stronger acquaintance. You can be casually be listening to your favorite album in the background while you study or clean your room, and you are suddenly re-struck with the brilliance of a particular lyric, or bundle of lyrics, or transition, or modulation, or the stunning creation as a whole. You don’t know why, you don’t understand what brought it on, but none of that matters in that moment. What does matter is the moment itself.

We are reminded, in that moment, that connection exists. People have the ability to make art, no matter the medium, and have it mean something to somebody. It is the most powerful thing we are capable of – helping, teaching, creating. It is of infinite supply, creating, and its bounds are endless. To think we have any sort of power in its direction is sometimes overwhelming, but in the end, extremely gratifying.

The universe is billions of years old. In this retrospect, we are irrelevant. But in the same respect, we are also crucial. We may live for 100 years, but on a grander scale of existence, this is almost nothing. How can we possibly leave a dent? The path to figuring that out is what makes us crucial. How we choose to spend our time and connect with the world both relies on and is dependent upon us as individuals. Our time on Earth, though limited, is important – if want it to be. And if you do, what will you do to make it count?